Laughs »The Best of Totally for Teens

Unaired Pilot

Love TV Carnage, love teen chat shows. See the two combine in The Best of Totally for Teens and pray that it gets picked up by Adult Swim.

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Posted on October 2, 2011

TV Shows »5 Second Review: The Secret Circle

Thumbs Say Not Bad For What It Is

Mr. Dawson’s Creek spent a long, empty headed weekend with the repeat viewings of the Twilight movies and The Craft and came to the logical conclusion…

Teenage witches! But they will live in the Pacific Northwest and drive trucks!

There will be one crazy bitch that’s mad with witchy power and magical glittery stuff will happen in the woods!

(OK, to be fair, the storyline comes from a series of books, so the derivative elements might not be his fault)


Maybe it’s because I find Britt Robertson charming or that I have a soft spot for young adult entertainment, but I have to say The Secret Circle bests both the inspirations. Which is kind of faint praise (especially in the case of Twilight) but still.

If the shows finds its sense of humor and goes wild it could be fun though it’s doubtful I’ll personally watch and wait (such hopefulness didn’t totally pay off with Supernatural.)

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Posted on September 20, 2011

TV Shows »The Inbetweeners

British Teen Comedy Guest Written by Dana:

The Inbetweeners give us the funny situations of foursuburban boys in high school.

Unfortunately just had the last season finish, but looking forward to a movie at the end of this year.

See a clip here and here.

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Posted on June 13, 2011

TV Shows »Skins

Aired on BBC

When I tell people I’ve been watching Skins (available on Netflix instant) and they ask “Oh, is that any good” I always say, “Well, I like it…” The reason for the qualification is because it depends on your threshold for teenage drama. My threshold is extremely high – I will watch tween Disney Channel movies made for eight year olds with glee, so for me, Skins is on the sophisticated end of the spectrum.

If you like the new generation of Degrassi but didn’t think it went far enough with the dirty bits, this British show is for you. Foul mouthed and extreme – it’s an exaggerated take on wild adolescence. Almost cartoonish at times – with adults and foreigners getting the brunt of stereotypes – it focuses on partying and sexual adventures but doesn’t skirt the serious stuff either (mental illness, abandonment, etc…)

I was enjoying it fine, but became more of a die hard fan by the end of season one, which ends with a bang and a musical number… Heart!

Am on to season two now and can’t wait to see what Sid, my favorite character, and all his friends are up to.

MTV is doing an American version, but because I like the way things sound with British accents, I am sure it is going to suck.

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Posted on December 12, 2010

Laughs »P I Z Z A

Slowed Down Olsen Twins

Thanks to Steve, of Team Assignment for linking to this awesome, slowed down version of an Olsen Twins ode to pizza. It’s the latest in slowed down pre teen pop (see Bieber slowed down 800 percent) that results in something way more amazing than the straight to VHS song could ever dream to aspire to. I think Biz Markie should cover this.

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Posted on October 5, 2010

Movies »Teen Witch

Directed by Dorian Walker (1989)

The wikipedia entry for Teen Witch reveals the shocking truth that the teenager musical was a box office bomb grossing less than $4000 in its opening weekend with a budget of two and a half million! Of course, with repeated airings on cable and midnight shows (at one of which friend John got to actually dance with Robin Lively!) it’s become the cult classic that we know and love.

I recently revisited the innocuous favorite which is more than perfect for Sunday afternoon viewing and found it just as silly, strange, and dumbly enjoyable as I remembered.

From the opening shots of Louise Miller gyrating to Taylor Dane style pop with the local hottie, Brad to the final scenes of Louise Miller gyrating to Taylor Dane style pop with the local hottie, Brad, the movie is an 80’s Disney Channel esque delight. Not surprisingly, Disney actress Ashley Tisdale is in talks to star in a remake.

Of course, I’d be shocked if they kept the hilarious musical numbers as is (including  “I Like Boys” and the often referenced – recently in 30 Rock – “Top That Rap“) and while Teen Witch is definitely not racy stuff, that beginning gyrating scene does feature star Robin Lively looking like a prostitute in red lace and what would be more shocking these days, she totally gives it up in an abandoned house to Brad without scruples.

Trust me, after just having watched Starstruck (yes, this is the kind of guilty pleasure viewing I do when no one is looking) where the two young actors barely even kiss, implied going all the way will never make it in the remake.

But I digress on the supposed remake and there’s so much to say about the original. Many things can be said in the stills below/after the jump but worth noting is the bizarre brother creature, Richie, played by the same intriguing young strange actor you may recognize from the very un-Teen Witch movie River’s Edge, the wonderful Zelda Rubenstein as a fellow witch, the surprisingly so-uncool-they’re-cool again fashions, and of course those cringe inducing, but oh so awesome musical numbers.

It has not been available on DVD always, but can be rented at Netflix though sometimes with a long wait, so people are still flocking to this cheesy nostalgia piece. If you never knew the glories of it growing up, don’t expect a traditionally “good” movie, with suspense or drama, just go with flow and you’ll find there’s very little in the pre-teen comedy genre that tops it.

Oh, and if you too want to be a Teen Witch, it’s now possible with this nifty kit.

Click here for the rest of Teen Witch

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Posted on June 20, 2010

Movies »Airborne

airborne movieAirborne has been a personal guilty pleasure of mine since my early college years, back when I met like-minded people who were totally uncritical of any film branded independent, who introduced me to the strange new world of Ska music, and who could recall the glories of Swan's Crossing with the same affection I did.

As a matter of fact, Shane McDermott – who played Garrett Booth, star-crossed lover of then dark haired Sarah Michelle Gellar in that oft-mentioned Brix Pick – takes the lead role of Mitchell Goosen in this movie, which is wholly acted by no one particularly good looking. Don't get me wrong, I love the kid, but I'd only cast him as a date rapist in a Lifetime movie titled something like, “If She Knew What She Wanted” (that's officially my idea now, so I don't want to see you all shopping scripts without due credit).

But don't fret if you've never seen the show, a plethora of non-Swan's Crossing talents abounds as well. Jack Black proves that he wasn't always just some cool dude that stumbled into comedic success as he hones his signature spazzing out before your very eyes and hams up lines like, “I like Nintendo and I like Nintendo” – oh, and he gets a tree in the nards. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my friend Brandon can be seen in the double date turned disaster scene – he's the one wearing a patchwork denim jacket and staring straight into the camera.

Stewart Copeland – yes, that Stewart Copeland – is behind the music, though I can't imagine he was 100% responsible for the B-grade Babyface-type song that includes the lyrics, “I'll pick you up in my per-son-al limonsine!” which plays during a rollerblading greenhouse scene… and I know he wasn't behind Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy' montage of Seth Green trying on various outfits for a date, looking, I'm sad to say, a lot like a ventriloquist's dummy in all of them. Yep, Seth Green is here too, sporting a haircut and circular rose-tinted glasses that make him look like a lesbian friend on Ann Magnuson's, circa 1989. As always, he's totally boss as a goof ball best buddy.

The plot's a familiar one and we've all been there: you're a Ghandi-loving California surfer who tells his rollerblades 'gracias' at the end of the day and you come home to find your parents packed off to Australia forcing you to head to freezing Cincinnati, a sad, sad place where no one understands your enlightened Zen attitude and everyone plays hockey.

Ok, so maybe it didn't happen to you – but it happened to me… vicariously. In eighth grade we got our very own Mitch Goosen when Ryan Lokken, a?blonde California surfer dude enrolled in our class and (I swear) handed out wallet-sized portraits of his surf crew to all the ladies. But, unlike the Ohian high school in Airborne, we didn't have any forty-year-old bullies out for Ryan's blood.

But if your school did have bullies, cast as forty year olds or not, you might savor the moment when Mitch tells his, “I could give two left testicles about you, your school or you hockey game!” There's also some sweet afternoon movie romance with tapered jean dream named Nikki who, while only being Sarah Powell hot (from Charles in Charge), still manages to look pretty great next to the other slags.

It's a rare and wholesome treat (and, I might add, a nice companion piece to former guilty pleasure Heavyweights), the kind of movie where the big finale takes place at dun, dun, dun… The Devil's Backbone! “Only the most dangerous hill in the whole town!”

By the way,?watch it now on Netflix on demand because the DVD, according to super irate Amazon customers, is only available in German.

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Posted on March 30, 2009

Hunks »Jake Ryan

Jake Ryan Michael Schoeffling in 16 Candles The ultimate in perfection with whom no real man could ever compete.
Make a wish – it already came true.

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Posted on December 12, 2005

TV Shows »Freaks and Geeks

Freaks and Geeks I lack the talent to truly convey how much I love this show. You are going to have to imagine how much in your heart. You also have to watch it, because your life is not complete until you have.

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Posted on December 12, 2005

TV Shows »Degrassi Old School

degrassi Stephanie K gets slutty then depressed
Joey falls for Caitlin and who can blame him.
Spike has a baby.
And Wheels, poor Wheels … I can't even talk about it. Oh, it went there.

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Posted on November 7, 2005