Soo in the time I've been away, there's been the awesome David After the Dentist and Kittens Inspired by Kittens, but you've all seen those by now, so let's have a chuckle over this inspired love letter to Williamsburg girls?that was recently on craigslist (no longer). Finally another someone who is not at all in the least bit pissed about hipness. Hoorah.
I love you. I can't believe that other guy posted all that noise. The other day, I was on the L train thinking, “Damn, I should post a Missed Connection to every woman on this damn train (I have a limited vocabulary in my internal monologues): 'Women of the L Train. Thank you for making my day. Every day.' (see?)” Sometimes I walk around here and I think, “Is this real? Am I actually living in a place packed with so many attractive, cool girls?” If anything, its kind of intimidating.
Here's an example: the other day, I walked into a crappy restaurant that will remain nameless at like four o'clock pm. There was a girl done up to the nines like she was ready to go out, like she'd listened to Sussudio in her apartment at least three times in a row while getting ready. She's half-sitting, half-dancing on one of the stools. She's all “table for one?” and I was like “wtf, you are at *work*?” The restaurant was pretty slow, so she proceeded to have her dance party for one the entire time I was eating, even though some of the tunes were honestly not that choice, but when you are wearing mirrored aviators at work on sunday afternoon you have to bring it, even if some old lame violent femmes tune is on. Now the whole time this was going on, that girl was _at work_. At a lame hostessing gig at a lame restaurant. That's awesome. The bad attitude to this is that this is some kind of posturing thing, some kind of posing thing, or something bad, but…fuck that. This girl was taking a pretty bunk situation and trying to make it fun, she's basically turnin' frowns upside down FOR FREE! I don't get why people on craigslist are so pissed about all these weird “williamsburg” markers? Did I walk into your film shoot at night on the roof? Sorry, I just wanted to smoke outside, I'll be quiet. I think its awesome you are doing that. What's that? You design and make your own clothes and then sell them with your friends in some kind of crazy coop? That rules. Oh, you are busy tonight at your bizarre secret dining society? I'm happy for you. Dude, the idea that secret dining societies exist is _awesome_. Sure, its easy to be all bloggish and just say everything sucks, but what doesn't rule about inviting a bunch of people over to your house and cooking them an awesome meal while your friend makes really good drinks? I don't know, I even love all your crazy ass clothes, why do people get so pissed about this? I love walking down Bedford or around in freakin McCarren when its nice out. Its OUT OF CONTROL! It's like being in a video or a cool magazine from the future. I mean sure, I've met a surprising number of girls around here who are really into astrology. I've learned more about astrology from bartending girls in the last couple of years than I thought there was to know about astrology. Now, astrology is, well..lets be honest, it's pretty dumb, but I still like hearing you explain it, its like Pokemon or old dudes who are really into wine: “You see the bordeaux 1976 is a water pokemon that was born under the waning pisces, so you can taste a certain duplicitousness on the soft palette.” SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMONDS!
Why is everyone so pissy? Haven't you seen Ghostbusters II? In these troubled times, keeping up this bad attitude will make an evil painting come to life and shoot out pink slime that eats Ripley from Alien's baby, the only way out is to ROCK OUT WITH THE STATUE OF LIBERTY AND LISTEN TO JACKIE WILSON! Or you could listen to Move On Up by Curtis Mayfield (I tried to embed a video of this but CL doesn't let you).
Let's try not to let it get to that point. To wit:
This is from the last anti-dudes post:
“You study advertising without thinking of who is making that oh so important arm chair. You want to be a photographer but loathe getting out of bed before 2. Poor you. Enjoy your bands, the “books” that I doubt you've ever read, your cute outfits, and the never ending search for your meaning.”
This is from the last anti-ladies post:
“But why do I want to waste my saturday night talking to some uninteresting person? Someone who is amassing wealth so that they can raise their children in the same manner that their parents did? I'm not interested in your job. I'm not interested in how long you've lived here or what you think of Brooklyn. I know what you're really after, and I'm not interested. I would say “good luck,” but I know one of these days you will find your future husband — the one who appreciates your boring little quirks, your for-appearances-sake interest in foreign films, your intent to appear “cultured” above all else”
Why don't you guys just freakin' move? There's no jobs here, the rent is insane, and basically, you can throw a dart at a US map and end up in a cheaper town where no one wants to be a photographer, no one really cares too much about any particular bands or books, no one wears cute outfits [ed: how could this possibly be annoying?], no cute girl in a bar will talk to you about what you think of brooklyn or their boring job, and no one even gives a crap about movies or being or appearing “cultured”. I mean, you must know that, right? That's probably what the place you moved from was like.
In conclusion, girls of williamsburg, I love you. I love you because you are beautiful and stylish and always seem to be doing *something* and usually just the fact that you are excited about it is pretty awesome. Don't let those jerks get you down. Hang out with me! Post a missed connections about me (I'm embarassed to admit how compulsively I check it)!