Some days I love fancy martinis and omakase dinners but more often I can't wait to get home, grab some Subway, and partake in a cup of Cap'n Crunch Berries cereal for dessert. And only Crunch Berries–regular Cap'n Crunch will not do! It's yummy without milk (though there are claims that it is so crunchy it can rip up the roof of your mouth without milk – I disagree) and comes in bizarrely inane boxes.
Currently the captain and a couple grotesque kids he picked up are playing frenemies with a pirate named Jean LaFoote, who has turned the berries into (ostensibly) the shapes of crossbones, severed feet, and anchors (they really just look like mutant walruses) while trying to steal the Captain's treasure (aka cereal) from the SS Guppy.
The Cap'n first discovered the crunch berries on Crunchberry Island (not to be confused with his home town of Crunch Island) where the Crunch Berry Beast guards bushes of Crunch Berries, that whether through coercionor flattery, the Cap'n can now deliver them to our cereal bowls.
There is EXTENSIVE information on all the Cap'n's adventures here including that time he had to fight off the advances of Magnolia Bulkhead, and a history of the Soggy Wars. And it's written as though he really exists.
But what do you think?