We just went to see Piranha 3D and can say it’s a fun barrel of trash that at least goes literally balls out with its sleaze and B-movie tropes. It lead to a discussion about how hard it is to make good bad things. Which, aside from a full monologue about my favorite Seagal films, eventually, inevitably lead to a lesson in Andy Sidaris. His soft core oeuvre is incredible, and Hard Ticket to Hawaii is his finest – truly the Citizen Kane of soft core action films. All the signature Sidaris touches are here – Playboy actresses, long shots of airplanes taking off and landing, the excessive use of toy helicopters and cars to deliver either explosions or drugs, elaborate death scenes, and a bad guy named Seth.

Donna Speir, who grits her teeth for dramatic line readings and babysitter gone slightly naughty Hope Marie Carlton are special agents and copter pilots who stumble upon a drug ring mastered by Seth. Total babes Ronn Moss and Harold Diamond are their Agency mates and, in Donna’s case, tit rubbing lover (no worries about being too embarrassed a la Travis Bickle to watch this – the most you’ll get is semi nude heavy petting – though the stills after the jump/below might not be safe for work).

From the opening song “Hard ticket to Hawaaaaaii, it’s not paradise all the time” you know you’re in for a treat, a treat that includes a dangerous cancer infested snake (which in theory would just make it sick and likely to die but here makes it a man eating killer machine that can bust through toilets with a radio active glow), a weapon made from a frisbee and razor blades, and one of the greatest “action” scenes of all time that includes a blow up doll, hot dogging skateboarding, and explosions (you’ll find a moment by moment break down of this scene below).

Sidaris, who my family contacted as fans and was a lovely man with a co-creator wife that sent us all signed photographs, sadly passed away a few years ago, but his legacy is vast. My guess is he’s unknown to you, so you have plenty in his archives to discover – after this immaculate classic, try Picasso Trigger and Return to Savage Beach.

Meet Donna

Meet bad guy “Shades”

A cancer infected snake!!

Seth!!

Classic scene wherein they “Think better in the hot tub”.

Hunky Ronn Moss as Rowdy, probably using a vaguely racist “oriental” accent.

Hunky Howard Diamond (“Best known to movie fans as John Rambo’s “stick-fighting” opponent in Rambo III” according to imdb) as Jade, definitely using a vaguely racist “oriental” accent.

How does one destroy a top secret mission as a spy? Put your lighter to the lettuce sandwich it was written in, of course.

Donna, threatened with a tiny knife.

Taryn, threatened with nunchucks.

Tranny spy!!

Jim’s favorite character Edy, who runs the resort that acts as the Agency’s headquarters… and Donna’s boobs.

Time for some pants on tit rubbing.

The best scene ever begins like this…

which leads to this..

Rowdy is fairly oblivious to what’s about to happen..

and this is just part of what’s about to happen..

hope that this isn’t the last thing you ever see on this Earth..

is but a flesh wound in Jade’s ample chest..

Unaware that the well timed and prepared shot wasn’t fatal, hot-dogging old skate board assassin twirls in celebration..

But his joy is fleeting and quickly turns to utter fear..

He is struck!!

But the worse is about to come..

Direct hit..

Annihilation!!

And no witnesses left behind..

More annihilation!!

Nothing but the best in spy technology.

After finding the eaten bodies of a honeymooning couple, Donna and Taryn see the last photo the couple ever took..

It’s that cancer infected snake!!

More nunchucks!!

Seth!!

Shades is mouthing off about his frisbee skills.

Making Rowdy mad..

Catch that, Shades!

Real ultimate frisbee.

It’s that cancer infected snake again!!

But Donna and Rowdy are safe.

They just have one more scumbag to take care of.

Before breaking out the champagne on Jade’s yacht.

Any movie with a Rocket Gun Designer is worth watching.

A strong douse of Scott Walker, a touch of Elvis Costello, a whole lot of 60’s pop mixed with the funnest side of Nick Cave.. put it all together with a ten piece band and you’ve got Jail Weddings. I was psyched when the video for “I Thought You Were Someone I Knew” popped up while browsing facebook and not just because that dapper front man is my cousin. Yes, a relation to me, and so cool! This is not his first music project. Los Angelians may know him from his previous band, The Starvations or Dante Vs Zombies. The album for this song, Love is Lawless comes out Oct. 26th.

It’s hard to disconnect the powerful images Kubrick created for Clockwork Orange and the moog symphonies of Wendy Carlos. This is not a bad thing, but a full day of her tunes, courtesy of Shaun who let me borrow The Switched On Box Set puts you in one technicolor and strange mind frame.

This is a well designed and comprehensive set that includes her most famous album, Switched on Bach, the first classical album to ever go platinum. A revolutionary musician who took the newest instruments of the time to create unique sound scapes of familiar classics, Wendy takes the baroque and blasts it into the space age.

I am not naive enough to be hopeful enough to imagine that Burlesque, Cher’s latest dance across the silver screen will deliver anything near the genius camp of Showgirls, but the trailer did get me thinking about Cher. Her music’s never been my cup of tea, and I could say much, much worse about her second coming with the Europop “Do You Believe” period, but I won’t.

After all, she’s an icon who has proven herself to be a sometimes good actress and most importantly has always been a true glamour chameleon and daring provocateur with her wardrobe. No one else does Bob Mackie and head dresses like her.

Rocky Sullivan’s in Red Hook offers as part of their Think Global, Eat Local menu a home to the Red Hook Lobster Pound’s lobster dinners on Friday nights. The mood is relaxed, the tables communal, and the lobster is truly outstanding. Honestly, this may have been the best whole lobster I’ve ever had the pleasure of eating. Jim, who once worked as a stoned, surly prep cook for a high end restaurant as a teen was thankfully there to help more novice lobster eaters out with the tricks of getting to the meat.

Make sure to take advantage of the plastic bibs, because if you don’t make a crazy mess, you’re not doing it right. With a side of corn and potato salad (or coleslaw if you’re a weirdo) this is perfect summer eating and a real must before Fall breezes in (any day now). The meal is finished off with a great sugary whoopie pie. Other nights, the noisy but chill spot offers more traditional pub grub.

If you really want to take your party to the next level, bust out a small army of cat head cupcakes! Shaun was awesome enough to pick these up from Ruthy’s – the bakery with all the wild cookie monster cakes at Chelsea Market. As a lover of icing and cats, there really is nothing better than this, though even me, with a monster sweet tooth had to eat one in two sittings. The head is full of an icing/cake mixture that is not for the faint of heart when it comes to sugar rushes. Seriously, these were the coolest party surprise ever. Ruthy’s can make custom ones to bring delight to your loved ones too even if they’re not cat ladies.

We drank all the left over Horchata before I remembered to take a photo, so I must give credit for this lovely photo to Food People Want. I must give thanks and credit to Andriana and Krista (of radiogastronomy) for bringing homemade version of the delightful, refreshing, milky, spiced beverage to my party. It was actually my first encounter with the Latin drink, that matches perfectly with the spice of Mexican food. Versions of the drink go back to ancient times and have made their way all across the world.

Wow, my due date is getting ever closer. Only roughly seven weeks left til Van’s arrival and my wonderful friends and family threw me a most excellent cat themed fiesta the other day. Some of the most incredible cooks I know (Mike, Shaun, Krista and my sister) graced us with an amazing spread. All homemade: slow cooked meats, chipotle salsa, guacamole, churros donuts, pepitas, cat shaped tortillas, and spicy chocolates, yummmmm. Plus, the visual highlight- creepy awesome cat head cupcakes from Ruthy’s (see more about them in the dessert section).

Julia and Stacy were there to organize the games, which included a heated race to down a baby bottle of screwdrivers (Josh beat them all with a little bit of clever trickery). Mostly it was just wonderful to spend the afternoon with so many loving, great people – from brand new friends to girls I’ve known since kindergarten. Van is so lucky to inherit you all (and all out dear friends and family that couldn’t make it) as his extended family. Loads of photos below/after jump.

I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to write up Pharmacia Millionaire with you guys. It was definitely one of the more unusual spots we visited in LA earlier this year. A treasure trove of magic candles, potions, elixirs and voodoo dolls, the crowded pharmacy sits across the street from the more traditional tourist spot, The Bradbury Building. We walked away with a candle for home cleansing, which once burned to the end offered some charms that we were instructed to put under our mattress. We skipped on the vagina candle and anything black magic related but might be back one day for the bat’s hearts if I can figure out a way to use them. Even if you have no plans to purchase, the iconography and design for the products are worth a peek in this surprisingly friendly shop.

Thank you Brandon for passing the site Ugliest Tattoos along my way. It really speaks for itself but I have to say I am profoundly shocked how many people permanently apply disgustingly rendered penises to their bodies. A few great ones are below/after the jump and they are nsfw.

I love this. So metal.

Thanks to Mike for the following recipe and bringing them to my party!!

The churro donuts were a modified recipe, but here’s a edited version with my additions

1 cup white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoons mexican chili powder
1 lime
3 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup buttermilk
3 eggs
1 tablespoon honey
1/2 cup butter, melted
Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Lightly grease a donut baking pan.

In a medium bowl, mix sugar, baking powder, baking soda, nutmeg, cloves, cinnamon, chili powder and flour.

Mix buttermilk, eggs, honey, zest from the lime and the juice from one half of the lime and butter in a separate medium bowl, and stir into the dry ingredients. Spoon the mixture onto the prepared pan filling them halfway.
Bake 8-9 minutes in the preheated oven, until golden brown.
While donuts are still baking, prepare two bowls.  one will have the lime juice from the other half of the lime, and two tablespoons of buttermilk.  the other will have a mixture of 2 parts sugar, one part cinnamon.
while the donuts are still warm roll each one in the liquid mixture followed by the sugar mixture. let cool and enjoy.

With such a unique point of view and mind, a David Lynch project is always worthy of excitement, even if the results are extremely uneven and sometimes downright unbearable (see Inland Empire). It’s a pleasure then to revisit Mulholland Drive, even if it loses some of it’s stunning effect upon second viewing – there are just so many odd surprises first time round, it’s hard to recapture. By all means this should have been a confusing mess, and with dropped plot points, characters and strange twists, it nearly is – but somehow it all manages to work beautifully if not confoundedly.

It’s not surprising that the project was cobbled together from a pilot for a much larger television series. The fact that ABC, in a climate of prudence, rejected the pilot is a shame. While elements like the monster behind the diner, the hunk lover Billy Ray Cyrus, the cryptic cowboy, the appearance of both Lost’s Jacob and Robert Forster, the blue box, and the magic performance are all effective in the film, I’d love for all the ideas to have had a chance to flourish over time and we all would benefit from a new Twin Peaks style series to become obsessed with.

The haunting En Glissant by Yvette Horner came to my attention via family on facebook and is one of the songs shot for the Scopitone, which friend Marcus explained to us over on RC a ways back. Horner, virtually unknown in America was a French accordion star.

Miles Davis is one cool cat with a radiant smile and a world of influence on the landscape of jazz (too much to touch on here). Plus, a tough life left him looking like a very powerful warlock, which is awesome.

The work of Fernando Botero is a family favorite and I grew up looking at his lush, abstracted portraits of exaggerated fat people. He’s never questioned his choice in subject and is simply drawn to the forms. Far from a novelty, though his paintings are exquisite and recently he gained acclaim for his politically volatile Abu Ghraib paintings. He is Columbia’s foremost artist and considered “the most Colombian of Colombian artists”.

Timeless, flattering, and subtly daring, the fashions of Jean Muir would be as welcome and beloved today as they were in her heyday. The elegant Scot is considered among the finest dress makers to ever live even if her name is perhaps less known than fellow greats Chanel and Vionnet. I’d live in her dresses if I could right now and feel that the drapey, often printed dresses with impeccable details have influenced today’s designers of easy high fashion. She was also a big proponent of the turban, which you know makes me love her more.